Under a Different Sky Page 2

  The music is loud, making everyone feel a little more drunk than they already are. It’s a typical rivals party. This became a tradition years ago. The Eagles and The Panthers come together for one night before the season starts. That’s it. White flags are raised, and we party together. After the last person leaves is when the rivalry goes full force.

  We don’t hold back.

  It’s blood for blood, and the rivalry doesn’t hold still off the ice either.

  I almost didn’t make it out this season, but Coach didn’t let up. He gave me the time I needed to deal with Mia’s loss. Hockey is all I have left. The last bit of our dream can still be fulfilled.

  Do you ever truly get over a loss like that? I’m trying my hardest, and some may not agree with my methods, but I’m doing my damn best.

  Speaking of people who don’t approve of me lately...

  “Nick,” Kellan calls over the crowd.

  Kellan, the toughest goalie to walk through the halls of our school, and also Mia’s younger brother, pushes past a group of girls batting their eyelashes, desperate for his attention.

  “What’s up, man? You good?” He claps me on the shoulder, and I sway just a little. Like a mother hen, he checks me over, and I shove him.

  “I’m good.” I grab a bottle and slam the cap on the marble countertop. Beer fizzles to the top, and I guzzle it down, ignoring Kellan’s watchful eyes. “Don’t need a fucking babysitter.”

  “You sure about that?” He grabs for the bottle, and I pull it out of range, taking another long pull, daring him to reach across my body again. We’re teammates, best friends, but that doesn’t mean I’m opposed to knocking him on his ass.

  “That’s what I thought.” As much fun as it is to stand here, having this conversation, I didn’t come out to be scolded by him.

  I walk away, leaving him behind, something I’m finding to be much easier these days.

  “It’s okay to not be so damn tough all the time, you know?” Kellan announces.

  This guy’s really going to do this? Now? In front of all these people, he’s calling me out?

  Everyone stops, cups to their mouths, whispering to each other. I know what they think. I shouldn’t be here. Not enough time has passed to be out doing what I’m doing. They’re probably right. The thing is, I don’t give a shit what anyone thinks. I didn’t when Mia was alive, and I sure as hell am not going to start now that she’s gone.

  “What did you say?” I circle around, anger boiling through my body. “You may be her brother, Kellan, but that doesn’t mean shit now. Maybe you should ask yourself why you’re here, and stop worrying about me.”

  “She’d be ashamed of this version of you!” he shouts above the music. Shock echoes through the party, and everyone glances between the two of us.

  I keep walking, not giving him the satisfaction of dragging me down. He can say whatever he wants. Hell, everything he murmurs out of his mouth can be the damn truth, but it doesn’t change the facts. “Mia’s dead, so it doesn’t really matter, now, does it?”

  Ignoring the audience, I walk out the back door. It’s chilly, but none of that matters. The wind cools my scorching skin, and I revel in the bite of pain September brings. I take another step down into the yard and look up. The sky is clear, stars shining bright.

  “This is your sky, Mia,” I whisper, a flood of memories taking over.

  “Do you think there’s more out there?” Mia asks, sitting up in the bed of my truck. I just got it for my birthday, and she insisted on taking it out in the middle of the field behind our property.

  “Like aliens?” I laugh. Leave it to Mia to ask the most ridiculous questions and still manage to get my head spinning trying to find the right answer for her.

  “I don’t know, maybe. I just can’t imagine we’re it. The universe is so much bigger than any of us.” She leans into my side, resting her head on my chest.

  “You’re the universe, Mia.” She looks up at me with those sweet, excited eyes. I don’t know how, after all this time, she’s surprised by how I feel about her. “You’re bigger than any of us.”

  She pushes up and kisses me, softly at first, and then before I know it, her hand wraps around the back of my neck. She kisses me urgently like she never has before.

  That’s the night she gave me a part of her no one else would ever have. Just me.

  “You okay?”

  I circle around to find the person behind the voice and come up empty.

  “Down here.”

  I glance over the ledge that divides one part of the yard to where the basement opens to the side yard. Standing below me, Hannah leans against the brick, a red cup in her hand, and confusion etched into the small details of her face.

  “I don’t have the energy, Hannah.” I shake my head, knowing she won’t let up that easy.

  Hannah has been Mia’s best friend since middle school. Where one was, the other wasn’t too far behind. It used to drive me insane how inseparable they were. Funny thing is, even after all this time we’ve spent together, I don’t know much about her. We were close when we were younger and then Mia took up all of my time, almost making me forget mine and Hannah’s short-lived friendship.

  “Obviously, since you’re too busy sticking your tongue down some Panther girl’s throat.” She pushes off the brick wall and gawks at me from the basement level of the house. “Yeah, we all saw it.”

  “And I should care, why? I don’t have a girlfriend anymore. Pretty sure I can do whatever the hell I want.” I put the bottle up to my lips, pausing to let my own words settle in, and then take a long pull from the beer.

  “No, you’re right, you don’t have a girlfriend anymore. Mia isn’t here.” Sadness settles in her eyes. “The difference is you don’t get to do this, behave this way, not under the memory of her.”

  “You think it doesn’t fucking hurt every time I open my eyes in the morning, that I’d give just about anything to have her back, but I don’t have that luxury. There isn’t some magic button I get to push.” I toss my bottle into the grass as I make my way down to her, hell bent on proving myself. I’m not strong enough, or maybe I don’t believe my own bullshit, so I stare at my feet, afraid of the animosity I’ll find.

  “And this is how you honor her memory, by turning into someone you’re not?” She leans down until I can’t help but see her face.

  My eyes latch onto hers, desperate for something I’m sure I won’t find. They soften, and funny enough, I hate it. I hate the way she can find something redeemable in me.

  “You don’t know who I am.” Fueled with anger and sorrow, I walk away from Hannah because she’s everything I hate in this world.

  If I have to, I’ll remove everything that reminds me of Mia. Seeing Hannah, and the way she looked at me with such pity and disappointment, forces me sober. After entering through the back door, I push my way through the party. I’m getting out of here as fast as I can before I do something I can’t take back. Knowing your limits is half the battle.

  “Heard your girlfriend died, Kovac.” Some jackass has the nerve to say that out loud.

  Blood pounds in my ears. Over the music, over the chatter, the sound of my own heartbeat reminds me I’m still alive.

  My eyes close for a split second, kind of like they do on the ice before the puck drops. I crack my neck from side to side, prepare for the intensity to pulse through my body, and lunge. No thought is put into the action. It’s second nature.

  My fist smashes into this mouthy motherfucker’s face. The room shifts into disarray. Girls jump out of our way, screaming and yelling. I kick his legs out from underneath him. He falls to the floor and twists his head, looking me directly in the eyes. My fury matches his.

  Fucking Grady Sanderson. This motherfucker has chosen the wrong day to mess with me.

  We’re rivals on the ice, and we’ve just become enemies off.

  “You were a pussy when she was alive, and you’re still a pussy!” Grady yells, fumbling to stand
a little wobblier on his feet.

  A quick inspection of my immediate surroundings shows two of the biggest defensemen on the Panthers’ roster. What do I have to lose? This is when I should walk away, but where’s the fun in that?

  “Fuck it,” I say, hoping Grady sees what’s coming for him. I don’t need the element of surprise on my side. There’s no way in hell I’m allowing him to walk out of this house without a good ass beating.

  I pull back and another fist brushes past mine and hits Grady square in the jaw.

  “You son of a bitch.” Kellan lands another punch.

  From the corner of my eye, I see one of the defensemen stepping forward, readying to pummel Kellan. Like I’m ever going to let that happen. Even if I’m pissed off at him, there’s no chance I’m going to let some asshole sucker punch him. It’s a good night for a fight.

  “Really?” I chuckle, stepping in front of the big guy. My fingertips dig into his chest as I push him back, then land a clean blow to his face. “You’re in our territory. There’s no way you were going to ever land that punch on him.” His buddy steps forward. “Try me. I have nothing to lose, shit head.”

  He steps back, clearly afraid I’ll do the same as I did to his teammate. It’s too bad. I was just starting to warm up. This is the moment when I should walk away, step over the carnage, and call it a night, but I won’t. Impulse control is low on the meter.

  Kellan stands next to me. “Probably not the best idea, man.” He can practically read my mind, knowing what I know I should do, and what I want to do.

  “Yeah, probably not, but where’s the thrill in that?” I pull my bloody fist back and hit Grady across his left eye. The skin tears, and blood flows down his cheek. Dammit, that one hurt. I inspect my knuckles to see them split.

  “Was it worth it?” Kellan smirks.

  “What do you think?” I glance around at the mess. Glasses are broken, drinks spilled, and a whole lot of blood splattered on the wood floor. This place is a fucking disaster after our little brawl.

  The three of them stand in unison. Ripped shirts and blood are evidence of the beating they just got.

  Grady steps forward and whispers, “This shit isn’t over. We’ll see you in a few weeks.”

  “We can settle this on the ice, if you’d like, because you sure as hell can’t do shit on solid ground.” I bump my shoulder into his, dividing the group as I walk through. “Pussy.”

  Kellan follows suit. I don’t need to look back to know it’s his ass trailing me outside. He wouldn’t stick around after that mess. Garcia is sure to shut it down now, anyway. I’ll throw him some cash for pick-up. That’s the least I can do after the demolition that happened in his living room.

  “When will you boys ever learn?” Nicole says as she pushes off the back of her Denali parked next to my truck.

  She’s the kind of girl who’s hard to ignore. In your face, sexy as hell, and always busting someone’s balls. Nicole comes from the other side of the tracks, with a drunk of a father and a saint of a mother. It’s no secret that everything Nicole has, she’s had to work for. It’s why Mia loved her so much, took her in when their paths crossed.

  “Seriously?” Nicole smiles at Kellan like he’s just solved the world water crisis. She crooks her finger at him. “There’s not a chance in hell you two are...”

  “Too late.” Kellan wiggles his eyebrows, sliding in next to Nicole and wrapping his arms around her waist.

  “How’d I miss this?” I point between the two of them.

  “You’ve been a little preoccupied.” Kellan slaps my stomach. His eyes say it all.

  “What he is trying to say nicely is, you’ve been a major douchebag.” Nicole steps out of Kellan’s arms and picks up my hand. She glances up at me. “You sure did a number on these. How do the other guys look?”

  “They’ll survive.” I pull my hand away.

  “You should see them in there, talking shit, knowing damn well they don’t hold a torch to you two hooligans.” Hannah steps around me, eyeing my hands. “Sorry about earlier. It’s none of my business how you choose to grieve.”

  Grieving.

  That’s what we all are doing.

  It’s a lot of shit to pile on high schoolers.

  This feels awkward, and there isn’t any true way to make it any less, so I go with my gut.

  “Do you guys maybe want to go grab something to eat?” I say.

  “Yeah, sure,” Kellan answers, a chuckle following, so damn irritating to me but amusing to the rest of them.

  “You guys don’t have to laugh, you know?” I say as Hannah snatches the keys from my back pocket. “Hey!”

  “You won’t be driving, Nick, and this isn’t something I’m willing to negotiate. Get in.” She gestures to the passenger door. What the fuck!

  Hannah climbs up, her height a clear disadvantage to the lift on my truck. Once she’s inside, she fiddles with the mirrors, shifting them until she can see out the back window. There’s no way to suppress the groan that hurls itself out of my mouth.

  “What now?” She glances at me sideways. “You have something else to complain about?”

  I glance out the back window. “You do know how to drive a stick, right?”

  She looks over the gear shift and down at the pedals. “No, Nick, I’m just going to wing it. Idiot.”

  There’s an unfamiliar pleasure I get from annoying Hannah.

  With ease, she pops the gear shift into reverse and makes quick work with the steering wheel, before moving it into first gear. I watch her for a second, surprised and in awe as she maneuvers my truck through the streets. I sit back, relaxing into the leather seats. My hands run over the interior. It’s comfortable over here.

  “Why are you smiling like that?” Hannah asks, checking over at me. “You look like a serial killer.”

  “Maybe I am,” I joke.

  “Doubtful. I mean, you do have the characteristics of some serial killers.”

  “Like what?” Now, Hannah has my full, undivided attention.

  “Charming. Good looking. Confident.”

  “Because you can’t murder unsuspecting women without all of those.” The remaining liquor in my system creates this hushed laugh, like my mind is too afraid to let it go any further. I shouldn’t be allowed to have fun.

  “What gives, Kovac? What’s with the smile, for real?”

  “I’ve never sat in this seat before.” I shrug, not understanding why it feels like a big deal. “Even Mia never drove Cindy.”

  “You named your truck Cindy?” Hannah pulls into the parking lot of the diner.

  “You don’t like it?”

  “Maybe you are a serial killer.” She twists the key in the ignition and throws them into my lap. “You can drive me home once all the greasy food sobers you up.”

  Inside, Kellan and Nicole are cozied up in the corner. She leans her head on his shoulder, giggling at something he whispers in her ear. Seeing them close like that should kill me, and I’m man enough to admit it does. I’ve always been the second part of that couple, the one that drove their friends nuts, but now I’m alone.

  “What can I get you four?” the waitress says as soon as Hannah and I sit down.

  “I’ll have a bacon cheeseburger and a vanilla milkshake,” I tell her, not needing a menu. I’ve been coming to this diner since I was young.

  “I’ll do the same, but since I’m not boring, I’ll do a chocolate shake,” Hannah orders after me. She grins, checking to make sure she hasn’t offended me.

  Maybe I’ve been a little on edge since Mia’s death. No one ever had any trouble giving me shit before, and now, everything feels off in our group. Like her death severed us. We’ve been walking on eggshells for the past few months. That needs to end.

  Kellan and Nicole barely get out their order without giggling at each other.

  “No offense, but you guys are fucking disgusting,” Hannah says once the waitress leaves.

  “Thank you!” I praise her for say
ing out loud what I’m thinking.

  “No, you don’t get to do that. If I remember correctly, you and Mia...” Nicole stops, all words lost between us four. She stares down at her hands, and Kellan whispers in her ear before looking at me.

  “You can’t do that anymore. You can’t stop saying her name because you’re afraid of how I’ll react,” I say, standing from the booth, giving them my back. My hands reach into my hair, pulling at the strands. I’m angry and sad, all at once. It’s a potent combination and makes me feel a little more drunk than I am.

  “Nick,” Kellan says, and I turn to face him. “We don’t know how to be around you. She was my sister, and I hate to say it, man, but you’ve made it harder for the rest of us to move on.”

  “Move on?” My eyebrows scrunch together, because I can’t actually be hearing what I think I am. We don’t just move on from someone like Mia.

  “That’s not what he means, and you know it,” Hannah steps in. “You don’t get to be angry every time someone doesn’t know how to feel, or respond, or act just because you’re sad. We’re all fucking sad.” Her hand slams down on the cheap table, and the salt and pepper rattle, drawing everyone’s attention to us.

  “So, maybe you’re right,” I whisper, sitting back down, ashamed of what was probably my hundredth outburst since she’s passed.

  “I don’t want to move on. I don’t think that’s the point.” Kellan sits up a little straighter. “One thing I do know is Mia wouldn’t want this for any of us. She wouldn’t want us tearing into each other.”

  “Mia meant everything to all of us,” Hannah whispers, her hands clasped tightly in her lap.

  “She helped me decide I want to join the military after I graduate,” Kellan announces. There’s a hope in his voice, proving Mia always believed in him. He knows it, too.

  “Really?” Nicole looks shocked and yet, proud as hell. “I know you mentioned it, but I didn’t know you’d made a decision.”

  “I did. She found all the information on my desk one day and asked me about it. She was the first person to not look at me like I lost my mind for wanting to join.” Kellan fidgets in his seat. “I’m nervous, but I know it’s the right choice.”